Shut Up and Drive

A conversation with my trainer:

Dissociator: I'll show you a beluga whale.
Trainer: Would you please just get on the elliptical.
D: Did you know that an ellipse was an erotic image for the Incas? When an Inca man wanted to seduce his neighbor's wife he painted an ellipse on the small of his back and plastered his chest with hay.
T: Okay.
D: Are you looking for a ride to hell? Because I'll give you one. I'll take you straight to the gulags you peasant filth. But really, I know you think the food at Citi Field is overpriced. And you might be right.
T: The line at Shake Shack is always so long.
D: Why are you eating a hamburger fatty? You're supposed to make me an anorexic whore. Lead by example. Once I ran into Hitler's granddaughter and she told me that I was handsome.
T: I thought you were Jewish.
D: No I just enjoy whitefish salad. What's your excuse? I'm going to throw a dumbbell at your head if you don't get on your knees and draw an elephant on my hip flexor.
T: The dumbbells are in the other room.
D: How do you feel about female genital mutilation?
T: You don't have to get on the elliptical. Why don't we do some crunches?
D: I'll show you captain crunch. Once I filled a pool with rice krispies and shoved my friend Joe in. He had to eat his way out.
T: Get on the ground.
D: I'll get on your ground.
T: What does that mean.
D: It means buy me a milkshake or I'll sue you for copyright infringement.
T: What flavor?
D: Avocado.