How many times do we have to witness your unfair creminas.
How many more sniffs will you pull before that lukewarm patty sends you over the edge.
And if you stop at this length, it's only a matter of time before the tendon snaps.
Friday, August 29, 2014
An Introduction
A simple hello will find you nipped at the bud. Buying green tea that's been over-chilled was something I thought we discussed. And when that strange bitterness settles on your coated tongue, it won't be me who gets off the bus late.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Lindsay Lohan and Anne Frank Catch Up After Years of not Seeing Each Other Since Camp Pt. 1
LL: Hey girl!!
AF: Hey Linds! It's been way too long. I haven't seen you since that time we touched ourselves together at camp.
LL: No way, I forgot about that. And that counselor caught us because it was during rest hour and she was always reading Flowers for Algernon alone in the bathroom.
AF: Oh my god that fucking counselor was such a bitch. After you left that year I peed in her shampoo. Do you remember Rikki? She put a plastic rat under her sheets too.
LL: What the fuck was her fucking name?
AF: No fucking clue girl, she was so annoying though.
LL: I remember every time I wanted to shower after lights out she'd come in the bathroom with a broom and just sweep the shower curtain. It made this noise like a fucking raccoon pissing on gravel.
AF: I remember that. Your OCD was totally nuts.
LL: Remember that rank cereal they used to make us eat when we would lose weight? Like FiberCore or something.
AF: I never ate that shit. Whenever they tried to weigh me I would start hysterically crying and say that my fucking mother used to weigh me before school and that she was dead now.
LL: I didn't know your mom died.
AF: She didn't, but she was a bitch anyway.
LL: Yeah I totally get that. I remember on parents weekend we would always be huffing hairspray at the performing arts center when they got there.
AF: I never wanted my parents to come. They always tried to buy me fucking sweatshirts.
AF: Hey Linds! It's been way too long. I haven't seen you since that time we touched ourselves together at camp.
LL: No way, I forgot about that. And that counselor caught us because it was during rest hour and she was always reading Flowers for Algernon alone in the bathroom.
AF: Oh my god that fucking counselor was such a bitch. After you left that year I peed in her shampoo. Do you remember Rikki? She put a plastic rat under her sheets too.
LL: What the fuck was her fucking name?
AF: No fucking clue girl, she was so annoying though.
LL: I remember every time I wanted to shower after lights out she'd come in the bathroom with a broom and just sweep the shower curtain. It made this noise like a fucking raccoon pissing on gravel.
AF: I remember that. Your OCD was totally nuts.
LL: Remember that rank cereal they used to make us eat when we would lose weight? Like FiberCore or something.
AF: I never ate that shit. Whenever they tried to weigh me I would start hysterically crying and say that my fucking mother used to weigh me before school and that she was dead now.
LL: I didn't know your mom died.
AF: She didn't, but she was a bitch anyway.
LL: Yeah I totally get that. I remember on parents weekend we would always be huffing hairspray at the performing arts center when they got there.
AF: I never wanted my parents to come. They always tried to buy me fucking sweatshirts.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Adirondack Original
Your icy blue 'stache makes Nepal look like a kitty city. Once, in the Andes, I told you that I wanted to lick your ear but what I really meant was that your mouth is a graveyard of original seltzer. Sometimes I want to scream loudly in your ear and tell you to change the goddamn litter box before Slut shits on the rug. Get back to me when you learn how to ride a bike.
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